All Quiet On the Westfall Front

All Quiet on the Westfall Front is the story of how the Order got a new member, and how one of the seasoned members, JJay Fizzlebang, all-of-a-sudden went missing.

A Tempting Invite
JJay was hanging around the old Pig and Whistle in Old Town playing darts and drinking ale.

It was around ten in the morning when a short, caped stranger walked, handed him a note and walked out of the pub without saying a word.

JJay should be alarmed as he was undercover in Stormwind, and this stranger apparently knew who he was, but it was about twenty-one pints of ale too late for that.

JJay took the note and went outside the pub where it took him a while to read the note - partly because of the aforementioned number of pints, and partly because his eyes took a while to get used to daylight for the first time in months.

This, is what it said:

"Deer Nr. Fizzzlebank

Vee vould laik to invait you for a gaem of karts and darts.

Good prices.

Good stones.

Good kompani.

Meat us at the outside of the Sluthered Lamp tonait."

JJay was puzzled.

Not, as you might think, because it appared to have been written by someone with poor linguistic skills, but because he was trying to remember if it was night or day when the sun is up.

After a few moments he realised it was day when the sun was up - he thought about how that shouldn't be much of a problem to figure out. Comtemplated quitting drinking for a while. Then realized he had to wait until nighttime for the invite, then dismissed his thoughts of abstinence, and went back into the pub.

Gnomes and Whisky
That night JJay went to the Slaugthered Lamb, and the same short, caped creature was waiting for him with a bottle in his hand, the caped creature motioned for him to drink the bottle, which had an amber glow to it. Mistakingly assuming it was whisky, he obviously drank it in one swig, which was naive at best, and instantly passed out.

As it turns out it was a sleeping potion, and JJay woke up bound and gagged in the back of a wagon, heading out of Stormwind.

Ironically, the first thought that went through JJays mind was something along the lines of:

"Finally! I've perfected the summoning of Succubi!"

He was wrong.

The cart came to a halt, and he was greeted by a familiar face.

JJay was terrified.

Hogger Hill
"Welcome, Mr. Fizzlebang" said Hogger.

JJay, frozen with fear accidentally summoned an Eye of Kilrogg - the sudden appareance of a green apparition right in front of him made him leap to his feet and give a tiny howl.

The Eye of Kilrogg disappared, presumably out of shame.

"It's time to play Mr. Fizzlebang!" Hogger snarled.

JJay realized he was on Hogger Hill. There was set up a table on top of a bundle of skulls in various sized labeled "Reckless Adventurers".

JJay found a nice Night Elf skull to use as a stool feet dangling a few inches off the ground. Hogger sat on what appared to be a tauren skull.

Hogger got out a large bottle of brandy, got two glasses (again, not actual glasses, but it was hard to tell what part of a corpse they came from, so JJay decided to go with it.) and poured two glasses.

The Game Commences. And Ends.
As JJay started to play cards and darts with Elwynn's Most Wanted he quickly began to get the upper hand. Because JJay may not have been a crack warlock, but he WAS in fact, a crack card-and-darts player.

JJay and Hogger played for any hours, all through the night. And when Hogger finally had no body-parts left to gamble with, JJay decided it was time to call it a day and go home. This was when Hogger decided to stab JJay in the gut and throw him in the river.

Just before JJay lost conciousness he managed to cast underwater breathing on himself, a spell he had mastered for beer-drinking purposes.

The Goretusk Liver Merchant
When JJay woke up next he was staring right up into the beautiful full moon of Westfall.

Then there was a stinging sensation from his abdominal area, and just as he thought things couldn't get any worse he heard a howl and a lot of thrashing.

JJay screamed for help, but out of the shadows leapt a huge wolf.

For the second time in this story, JJay was terrified, but he was surprised, when he noticed that the wolf, large as it was, was wearing both clothes and a hat. The wolf said to him in a low growl: "Lie still, I've got this", then got out his first aid kit, and started bandaging him up. It took him a while, because approximately every eight seconds he'd gotten himself completely wrapped in bandages, and it took him a good one minute to get himself unwrapped again.

After about an hour or so of this back and forth, JJay was wrapped in bandages from head to toe, because as the wolf said "It's better to be safe than sorry." JJay suspected there might be foul play involved - he wasn't entirely wrong. Because the wolfman sat him down against a fence and said:

"Greetings my good half-man, the name is Hamporo Rocktenious, Goretusk Liver Merchant".

A long sales pitch commenced.

A Rough Trade
After JJay had recovered from listening to the long sales pitch he asked Hampaw (as he called himself) if there was anything he could do for him to ever repay